I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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