smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
