My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
