They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
