the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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