We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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