I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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