guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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