I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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