Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
