It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
