he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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