I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
