2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
