Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
