Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
