In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
