I wish i was in the wii world.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
