you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
