When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize