We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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