My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
