Where is the hickey?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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