i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
