My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
