He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
