Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
