You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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