Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
