My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
