I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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