Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
