Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
