I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize