glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
