was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize