She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
