went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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