We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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