so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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