capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
