Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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