sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
