At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
