just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
