I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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