My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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