happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
