If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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