Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
