got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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