Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize