its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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