I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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