How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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