is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
