He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
