if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize