oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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