i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
