I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
