I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
