YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
