Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
