You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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