I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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