Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
