why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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