AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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