May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
