so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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